Evangeline...
Oh.
- [horse whinnies] - Yah! Yah!
[tinkling breeze blows]
Time for bed.
- Thank you for saving me, Nanny McPhee. - Hm.
Yes. Thank you.
Thank you.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
[magical breeze blows]
Hm.
Papa was going to let her take me.
No, Christianna. Your father would never have allowed it.
- Goodnight, children. - [children] Goodnight, Nanny McPhee.
[magical breeze sighs]
She hasn't got any warts at all now.
Do you think she's using some sort of cream?
[clock chimes]
[magical wind rushes]
Thank you, Nanny McPhee. You were a tremendous help.
Not at all.
You will find that lesson three,
to get dressed when they're told, is complete.
Just to get dressed when they're told? They've learned a great deal more than that.
I have five lessons to teach.
What lessons they learn is entirely up to them. Goodnight, Mr Brown.
- Nanny McPhee... - Yes, Mr Brown?
She will be all right, won't she? Evangeline, I mean.
I can't help being concerned.
Aunt Adelaide can be so, erm... Well, you saw.
She will certainly be all right.
Good.
I suppose she volunteered to go, did she? Couldn't wait to be shot of us, I imagine.
Not quite.
It was Simon's idea.
He knew Evangeline might like to educate herself
and that her going would save Christianna.
He's a very clever boy.
Good heavens. Simon, eh? Well, good for him. Quick...quick thinking.
Goodnight, Mr Brown.
[sighs deeply]
So that's it, then.
I shall have to marry...Quickly.
[magical breeze zings and whooshes]
[Sebastian laughs]
[clears throat]
Children, your father has asked me to tell you
there's a Mrs Quickly coming for tea tomorrow.
- Nanny McPhee? - Yes, sweetheart?
Can you stop Papa from marrying a horrible stepmother?
I'm afraid not.
- Even if you wanted to? - Even if I wanted to.
I cannot interfere with affairs of the heart.
Perhaps Simon could talk to him about it.
He won't listen.
[seagull cries]
You have a visitor, Mr Brown.
An especially eager visitor, Mr Brown.
Quickly by name...
Oh!
Simon, my boy.
Well, come in.
Come on, I won't bite.
- Father, we want to ask you something. - Well, of course.
Of course. Anything at all. Ask away.
Who is Mrs Quickly?
[chuckles feebly] Good heavens, such a face. She's, er...
She's...she's a friend. She's...a friend.
Just a friend?
Well, my boy, it's not exactly any of your business, is it?
It is if she's to be our new mother.
Who said anything about that?
It is true? You are going to marry her?
You go too far, Simon.
- You must not question... - I didn't.
- Don't contradict me! - I'm not!
You do not understand the adult world.
You know, there are certain things that...
certain things...
You will leave me this instant. Go home!
You never listen!
[door slams]
Nanny McPhee?
[creaking]
[crystalline tinkling]
[floorboard creaks]
[crashing thud]
Hello, Simon.
Can I help you?
I did knock.
I know. I heard you.
May I be of assistance?
Er...
We need you to, erm...
I mean...you saved Chrissie.
And so...
You're on our side, is what I mean.
Aren't you?
You saved Chrissie, and I do not take sides.
I...we... need you to help us get rid of this woman, Mrs Quickly.
It will not surprise you to hear that I cannot agree to that, Simon.
Then let us do whatever we have to do to get rid of her.
Are you prepared to accept the consequences?
Yes.
- You promise? - Yes. Yes, absolutely, I promise.
Hm.
Then I will, as you put it, let you do whatever you have to do.
Thank you.
- [honking] - [screeches] Aaah!
Look at them! Will you just look at them?
Aw!
The little, small things.
Children, this is, er... Mrs Quickly.
Oh, you mustn't be so formal.
You must call me Auntie Selma.
Oh, dear me, one does work up such a thirst in this heat.
Oh. Tea, of course. Do go through. I'll...
And leave these dear creatures? How can you ask it of me?
- Oh, the heart of the house. - Yes, yes.
- The old bachelor's den. - Mm.
- Well, l... - lsn't it enchanting?
Ooh! Have you read all those books?
- Well, l, er... - Clever.
- Take my chair. It's more comfortable. - Thank you. Ooh!
Well, what have we here?
I see there is already provision for a lady. How thoughtful you are.
What a gentleman.
Wait! Er...just let me make it, er...comfy for you.
Too, too precious.
Here in the centre of the male dominion,
- [boing!] -..an oasis of feminine charm and elegance.
There, just as I thought. It's dusty. It just needs a good old thump.
There. All thumped and ready to go.
There you go again. Nothing is too much trouble for you.
I observed that very characteristic on the sad day we buried Mr Quickly.
Even in my demented grief, I said to my friend Letitia Carter...
Remember her? A pinker complexion than my own. She takes too much sun.
I said, "Kindness seems to be second nature to him."
"He is a perfect gentleman."
"There's something so masculine and yet retiring in his manner..."
[squeals] Mr Brown!
[she giggles]
- Urgh. - Un moment, I pray you.
I don't know what came over me.
I do. I understand. I never took you for such.
But now I see it. Passion is clearly your nature, too.
I feel it. Who would have thought we were such kindred spirits?
Passion is my life. In fact, Mr Brown, what is life without it?
- Er... - A grey wheel of habit, spinning idly on.
- Mmm! - [giggles]
[Mrs Quickly] Mmm!
- This is no time for food, Mrs Quickly... - Selma.
I couldn't possibly swallow it under the circumstances.
You are tempestuous, Mr Brown.
- Tea? - Yes, tea.
We must blanket the raw impulse with that reliable beverage.
[croaks]
That's a nice bit of porcelain. Is that Spode? I like a bit of Spode. Tasteful.
Anyway, so essential for upholding the normal...
- You don't want that. - How right you are.
You see into my inmost self.
What is tea when we can drink from the nectar of our emotions?
Let the common herd drink tea.
Our souls need a more divine libation!
- [wibbling] - Whoa...whoo-ow!
Oh! You mad fool! I say.
No, no, not here amongst the cutlery.
- I say! [giggles] - [rattling]
I must go before my reputation is in tatters on this rug.
Lovely rug. Is it Chinese silk?
Must escape before all is lost.
Wait!
Heavens to Betsy! You are inflamed!
How does a lonely widow best you? What defences does she have?
All it takes is one question, Cedric, and I'm yours.
- Ask me or you'll lose me forever. - Oh, no... Absolutely.
[Mrs Quickly] Say it. Say it.
- Say it. Say it. - No!
Oh! No! This is too much, sir!
You are a cad!
A bounder and a cad! [sobs]
- [children giggle] - Yeah!
[Simon] Papa's coming.
She's gone.
The only person in the whole world who stands between all of us
and total ruin...
and she's gone.
What's ruin?
There's no time to mince words. I can't support my own family.
I never have been able to. There are so many of you.
But you're all so delicious.
When Aggy came along and your mother was so ill, I said,
"We may have to stop now, dear," and she said...
She said, "l know."
The fact of the matter is, your Great-Aunt Adelaide
has been supporting us for years with a monthly allowance.
A little while ago, she told me
that I had to remarry or the allowance would stop.
This woman today was my last chance.
Our last chance.
Ours?
When the money stops, the house will be taken.
Some of you will perhaps be put into the workhouse.
Some will be put into the care... into the care of others.
I don't know how many of you will be allowed to stay together.
I'm sorry to have failed you, children.
You deserve so much better.
- Do something. - What would you suggest?
Change what happened. Bang your stick. Make it undo itself.
I cannot. These were your actions.
Simon promised that you would accept the consequences.
What shall we do? Help us. Tell us what to do.
- You must undo it for yourselves. - How? How?
Think.
You are very clever, children.
Think.
[women cackle with laughter]
- So, 'e was keen? - Oh, Letty, he was in a maddened condition.
He couldn't keep his hands off me. But I held firm.
I said, "Shedric..." I mean, "Cedric, I have my reputation to uphold."
"It's marriage or nothing. What do you take me for?"
- [knocking] - "Some common...?"
- Tart? - Not for me. I'm bloated.
- No. "Some common tart." You said... - [knocking]
- Who's that knocking? - [lamb bleats]
- It might be him. - Ooh!
If you've come to fumble with my fastenings... Oh.
[rattle jingles]
Mrs Quickly, we're very sorry about the tea you had with our father.
Typical of a man, sending his little ones to do the dirty work.
No. He doesn't know we're...
I mean, he very much wants to marry you.
I know what he wanted. No wonder there's so many of you (!)
Wait. Father wasn't being rude. No one on earth could be less rude.
He was protecting you from the naughty things we were doing.
- The toad in the teapot. - And the wormy sandwiches.
That was my idea! I mean, my fault.
I have no idea to what you can be referring.
Don't try to make excuses for him. He's a flounder and a gad.
He's not. He's a good man. He was just trying to save us.
If he doesn't marry, all the money will go. We'll be thrown out onto the streets.
- Money? What money? - Our Great-Aunt Adelaide's money.
Lady Adelaide Stitch.
Lady? Ooh!
- Mr Brown. - Mrs Quickly.
- Your children have explained it all. - Explained?
That their tricks during tea was a result of their motherless condition,
that they need a woman's presence to calm them,
and that you could benefit from that presence,
pathetic and lonely as you are.
And all it takes is one little question, Cedric. [clears throat]
Oh. Oh, y... er...yes, of course.
Erm...just give me...Yes.
- Mrs Quickly... - [whispers] Selma.
Yes, I mean Selma.
Would you do me the honour of becoming my...
-..of becoming my... - Wife.
- Exactly. Wife. That's the word. - Yes. Oh, yes, Cedric.
Mmm.... mwa!
Off you go now, dears.
Let Daddy have a little moment to himself with your new mummy.
(Nanny McPhee) A bit big for this nightie, aren't you, sweetheart? We'll have a new one made.
I'm sorry.
I should have told you. I can see that now.
If I'd discussed it with you before, we wouldn't be in this mess.
No, it was our fault.
We should have known you had a good reason for getting married.
At least this way, we'll all be together. That's what matters most, isn't it? Hm?
I promise I'll never hide anything that affects us from you again.
I see you're more than capable of understanding it.
- Papa? - Yes, my boy?
Do you think Mama still thinks about us where she is?
I'm sure she does.
I know she does.
Now, Chrissie, why don't you choose us a story?
[woman] ¢Ü Tiptoe by
- ¢Ü Where my babies lie... - Lesson four is complete.
¢Ü In your tiny silver shoon...
Lesson four?
To listen.
Well done.
¢Ü Will you watch over, please
¢Ü My wee ones
¢Ü My lambkins
¢Ü My sweet chick-a-chickadees
¢Ü Loola-bye, oh, loola-bye
¢Ü In your tiny silver shoon ¢Ü
- [church bells ring] - [lamb bleats]
[Mrs Quickly] The big day. I do love my weddings.
Mr Brown. What's he really like?
No idea. Keen as mustard to tie the knot, though.
Had to sort this out quick. Only got the sheep dipped yesterday.
But he's easily controlled, unlike his nasty little brood.
However will you manage them, Selma?
I've got a few tricks up my sleeve. Never you mind.
I started off by giving them a good clean-up.
Oh, don't they look lovely?
Sebastian, your top button is undone.
Lily, you have a little hair caught in your crook. Eric, help her, please.
Your father will be down in a moment.
Now, that is an improvement. Letty, go and keep a lookout.
I say, whatever your name is,
give me a second on my own with the little darlings?
Now, my dears, there's going to be some changes made round here.
I'm in charge of this household now
and while I'm in charge, you children will behave.
Do you hear? Behave.
- [Aggy jingles rattle] - Behave.
And we're not having any of that nasty noise all the way through my nice wedding.
- [grizzles uncertainly, then sobs] - Shut her up.
Naughty.
It's our mother's rattle. Give it back.
I'm your mother now.
Time to adapt.
- [magical breeze sighs] - Hm.
[footsteps]
- Papa, Mrs Quickly... - Sh!
Yoo-hoo, Cedric.
I realise the bride and groom shouldn't meet until the ceremony,
- but you and I are old hands at this. - [hoofbeats]
- [horse whinnies] - She's here! Lady Stitch!
Selma, there's footmen.
- [Cook sputters] Oi, make way! - [Letty squeaks]
Where's the woman?
- Aunt Adelaide... - Shut up! Where's the woman, Cedric?
May I present my...fiancee, Selma Quickly. Selma, this is Lady Stitch.
Your Ladyness. Welcome, if I may be so bold,
to our humble, nay, lowly festivities.
You shower glory upon us from above.
The very air about you shines with...
with...with aboveness.
A gracious welcome, I must say. Rise, my dear.
Here are the children in their, erm...shepherdess outfits.
Well, that's the girls. The boys... I'm not sure what they are.
But, erm...anyway, you can see.
Oh, keep up, will you?
[whispers] Who's that?
- It's a princess. - A fairy princess.
It's Evangeline.
Straight back. Remember your vowels.
May I present my adopted daughter, Miss Evangeline Stitch.
What are we doing milling about in this dreary vestibule?
Sherry this instant.
Might I beg the honour of pouring the privileged schooners myself?
[perfectly plummy] Delectable to see you again, madam.
Blinkin' hell!
And how nice to see the young people.
Welcome back, Evangeline. You look well. Are you well?
I am most content.
You must be very happy to be marrying again.
Oh, yes, I'm... I'm... How did you put it? Most content.
Of course. Good grief.
I am so glad.
- [Adelaide] Evangeline! - [bell jangles]
Pray excuse me.
Are you sure it's Evangeline? It doesn't look anything like her.
Nonsense. She's always looked like that.
[they play ¢Ü Here Comes The Bride]
[bleating]
[hums along]
What can we do? There has to be another way.
- Behave. - Beehive.
You must do as you're told.
- Behave. - Beehive.
Lesson number five, Simon. You must do exactly as you're told.
[violins crescendo]
Beehive.
Beehive?
Please be seated.
There isn't a beehive. What do you mean?
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together
in the sight of God and in the face of this congregation
to join together this man and this woman
in holy matrimony,
which is an honourable estate instituted of God
in the time of man's innocence...
..and commended of St Paul...
- [children] Bzzzzzz! -..to be honoured among all men.
Get off!
- And is therefore... - Get off!
-.. not by any man to be enterprised... - There's one on you!
.. nor taken in hand unadvisedly, lightly, wantonly...
- There's one on your back! -..to satisfy man's carnal lusts...
It's the flowers on her dress! They're attracting them!
- I hate bees. I'm allergic. - There aren't any bees, you fool!
No, truly, I swell up.
[hisses] They're trying to ruin my lovely wedding. Nasty, vicious creatures.
- Do something! - [children buzz energetically]
Cedric, look at me. Do you see any bees?
[other children buzzing]
I said, look at me! Do you see any bees? Do you?
- Do you? - I do.
- Ooaah! - It's all right. I've got the little bugger.
[yelps] It's on me!
- [gasps] - Lord love a duck! I'm so dreadfully sorry!
[children giggle]
No, no, no, no, no...
- [children laugh] - Oh, my Lord. Your Higherness!
[gasps]
[both laugh uproariously]
- [Cook] Don't touch the cake! - Get the tarts!
- Not me good ones! - [Lily] Ow, he hit me!
- [Lily] Attack! - Aaargh!
Not the cake! Not the cake!
Right! I'll have the lot of you!
Simon, bowling practice.
- [gasps] - [whooping and shouting]
Evangeline, where are your manners?
Sod my manners, you old trout.
This is the first fun I've had in weeks!
- Oh, Lord. - Letty, my hair. Where is it?
[as Mrs Quickly] "Look at them, the little, small things."
That's it! You dreadful, awful, monstrous creatures!
Take your hands off my children!
Cedric, it's over! I won't spend another minute with this rabble
and I don't care how much the old hag is giving you.
Letty, the lambs!
- [lambs bleat] - [Letty whimpers]
- This dress is ruined! - Absolute carnage!
A nice choice for a wife, I must say, Cedric.
I'm sorry. You gave me no time to find anyone else.
As for your children, a lengthy spell in a corrective institution is long overdue.
And you, Evangeline, I can see that you are as wild as the rest of them.
And proud to be. I love them, Lady Stitch, which is more than you do.
Insolence!
I'd leave you here to rot, but I gave my word that I would raise you
and I never, ever, break my word. Come away now.
[magical tinkling]
Wait, Aunt Adelaide! Wait!
You agreed. You gave your word
that if our father remarried this month, you'd support us.
I did.
So if he marries today, you'll have to keep your word.
- Oh, you're wasting my time! - No.
No. No, I'm not.
- He will marry today. - What?
- What?
What?
- Who? - He'll marry Evangeline.
Incest?
No! No, Aunt Adelaide. Evangeline isn't our sister.
- Not your sister? - Of course she's not our sister.
Well, who is she, then?
I'm his scullery maid.
What?
Evangeline, do you love Papa?
Of course not. I know my place. That wouldn't be right. I mean...
Yes.
Papa, do you love Evangeline?
What? That would be totally improper.
A thing like that could...could never happen. I mean, obviously...
Yes.
He's marrying the scullery maid?
Oh!
- [thump] - [magical tinkling]
[creaking]
- [crashing thud] - [magical wind zings and whistles]
[child] It's snowing!
Well, I never! Snow!
Snow in August!
- [children laugh] - I take it, then, Mr Brown,
that the young lady is not in fact the fruit of your loins?
Because the Church would have to take a rather dim view of it if she were.
No. What happened was my son Simon is a very clever boy.
Evangeline...
for the record, whatever I may have said about stepmothers,
that whole "evil breed" moment,
most emphatically does not apply to you.
This way.
Jolly good. If I may then invite you all to join us once more.
Hallelujah.
Oh, Nanny McPhee... I'm so nervous.
Deep breaths.
I don't look much like a bride, do l?
You will.
[magical breeze fizzes and tinkles]
How's the reading coming along?
It's much better.
But I still haven't got to the end of that story.
No need. You are the end of the story.
[parps nose mightily]
Dearly beloved, we are gathered together
to join together this man and this woman
in holy matrimony.
Make a loud noise and rejoice
and sing praise.
- [tinkling of bells] - [rushing]
[Nanny McPhee] There is something you should understand about the way I work.
When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay.
When you want me but no longer need me,
then I have to go.
[magical tinkling]
- [creaking] - [mighty thud]
[rubbery squeaking]
[boing!]
[squeaking]
[boing!]
[bubbling]
[boing!]
[creaking]
[mighty thud]
[rubbery squeaks and stretching]
[sloppy splotching]
[boing!]
- [rubbery stretching] - [squelch]
[gloopy bubbling]
[boing!]
[boings]
[buzzing]
[croaks]
[rubbery stretching]
Yoo-hoo!
[magical tinkling]
- [creaking] - [mighty thud]
[breeze sighs and fades away]
[creaking]
- [crashing thud] - [magical breeze sighs]